if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
