Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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