I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
