i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
3 2 1 whiskey
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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