if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
