Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
