I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
