Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
