I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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