Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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