is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
