she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
