Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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