his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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