I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
