I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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