do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
