Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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