Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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