I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
