I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This baby is an asshole
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
