Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
