Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
