Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
