I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
