you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
