dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
