There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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