Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
