I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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