i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Success! We fucked roommates!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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