Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
