You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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