can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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