Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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