I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
