So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
