Fuck appropriateness.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
