An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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