if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
