My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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