Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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