i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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