Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
