tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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