i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
