so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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