I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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