you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
