I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
