if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
