new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
